As I pondered the complexities of the human emotions, it was rather serendipitous that an old blog post of mine popped up on my memories and it said perfectly what I had been trying to articulate!
Why re-write a perfectly good blog post!
Extract from 'The Ali Sandwiches' dated 7th October 2016. Tom was 8 and Willy, just 7 years old - little did I know at the time, I was about to uncover emotional bullying being hidden at school.
When I picked Willy up from after school club today, they were watching one of my favourite films – ‘Inside Out’… Such a great message to give children in such a clever, clever, original way.
So on the way home (after our favourite bits!), I asked both Tom and Willy, which of the characters from the film were they.
Tom – immediately –
‘I would be the yellow one – joy! Although a boy version of joy.’
He was so excited about telling me all the rules and tricks of how to be safe in a scrum. He was in his element.
‘What would you be Mummy?’
I asked them to guess…. ‘Joy!’ Of course!
I love that they recognise that in me.
And Willy.
He was more considered.
‘I would be the blue one.’
Tom did not understand that. ‘The sad one?? How come?’
‘Because I am lonely. And sometimes maybe the purple one.’ Fear.
Oh my little man. My sons’ completely different natures always intrigue me.
We asked Willy lots of questions about why he would be blue and purple, sad and frightened. The loneliness came from not having many friends yet in his new school. But he is ok with it… he likes being and working alone. And the fear came from Tom being mean to him and Daddy when he was angry at breaking his remote control car.
His honesty melts my heart.
We asked if he was ever yellow and happy. ‘Not very much, but maybe when I watch my dirtbike movies. But I am quite happy being blue and purple, Mum.’
My mission is to bring out his joy, his own version of his joy. Or at least help him to choose ‘joy’ as his dominant emotion.
But it did make me think. The different feelings we have in our mind, just like in ‘Inside Out’ – joy, sadness, fear, disgust and anger – it is our choice to decide which one is the most present. And Willy is quite happy just being blue and purple, until he decides he wants to be yellow.
A bit like how I felt earlier this year. I was happy being in my blue sad space after Mumbo died…. sometimes a little red with anger. But I feel so much better being in my natural state of yellow!
I am joy! I had such a fun day!
A few short weeks after I wrote this post, I lost joy for a while.
But the thing is, she was always there, just a little quieter. I could access her through meditation & stillness. And then one day a few months down the line, I choose to let her lead again.
Ever since then, I have made a conscious decision to let her lead, to let her walk with sadness, to let her walk beside fear, honour disgust & placate anger.
After my Mum died in 2017 and one of my oldest friends died earlier this year, I choose to live & love life and find joy in every day.
Comments